SANJAYA'S A FIGHTER

Well, most of you know about my betta, Sanjaya. He's the most beautiful, talented, smartest fish in the world. And for those of you who haven't met him, I'll go ahead and answer your question: Yes, he was named after Sanjaya Malakar.

Now, before you write me off as another offbeat, sycophantic American Idol groupie with no life, let me explain. Very rarely have I ever watched the show. I mean, I know Simon is mean, Paula is batsh*t crazy and Randy calls everyone "dawg". And I know William Hung, because his rendition of "She Bangs" was just way too hysterical. But that's really the extent of my Idol worship. Except for Sanjaya Malakar. Now, he was a global phenom... or rather, his ever-changing hairstyles were. You couldn't escape the buzz about Sanjaya's hair earlier this year.... even those of us who don't watch Idol knew all about him. I read People magazine every other week while I'm getting my pedicure. Between that, "The Soup" and a little water-cooler talk at work, I manage to stay somewhat in the know. And at the time I got my betta, Malakar Mane Mania was in full swing. Now, since this species of fish can dramatically alter its apperance by puffing out its gill covers to look more showy and impressive, Sanjaya was the perfect name for my little guy. It was kinda funny. It was kinda metaphoric. But more than anything, it was kinda a matter of timing just like everything else in life.

Admittedly, I'm probably a little biased, but Sanjaya is beautiful. Ya'll, really. He's a frilly, brilliant-blue crowntail with scarlet markings on his rays. And don't think for one second he doesn't know he's hot. He's a bit of a show-off, in his fancy aqua-palace... and pretty well-traveled, too, but I won't go into that or you'll think I'm as over-medicated as Paula Abdul.

So what I'm leading up to here is that Sanj is sick. And I'm troubled. The past couple days, he's been laying over on his side. At first, he looked dead. But his little fins are moving, and at intervals he's able to bring himself upright before drifting over to the opposite side. The poor thing. I was out at Ruth's Chris having a fabulous steak last night (yes, I rank right up there with Brittney Spears as a parent! Gasp!) when K-Fed... I mean Mark... stopped by my house and TM'd me that Sanjers had taken a turn for the worse. I rushed home to see about him.

Does anyone out in the blogosphere know about betta fish? If so, could you offer a diagnosis?

After much research, Mark has concluded that Sanjaya's having trouble with his swim-bladder... he's been overfed and needs to poop. [Imagine, me over-feeding a pet... hmmm. Those 15-lb siamese cats should've been a cautionary tale.] Anyway, Mark called at 7:00 this morning to report that a shelled pea might do the trick. Apparently, this acts as a fishy-laxative. Can anyone believe I'm taking the time to post this? Can anyone believe my boyfriend loves me and my fish enough to play vet? Moreover, can anyone believe I actually took the time to cook peas before I went to work? Sanjaya is the best $6.43 I've ever spent, and I'm just not ready to be without him.

But here's where it all gets fuzzy... cooked peas sink. So how's a surface-feeding fish with a swimming and balance disorder supposed to get to the pea before it hits bottom? I have shelled several peas tonight and am drying them, in hopes that dry ones float so my little fish won't. Please message with answers, if you have any. I'll try anything...

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Ok, so I just read this entry and realized I spent way too much time proving that I'm not an American Idol kind of freak... just to prove I'm more of a "boil and shell peas to save a six-dollar pet" kind of freak. Sheesh. Maybe I should just start watching Idol now.