GLUTTONY, THY NAME IS JULES

Whoa, Nelly. I've gained a whopping eleven pounds since I fell off the wagon at the end of June, so tomorrow (and isn't it always tomorrow with dieting?) the UAMS program begins anew. That being said, you can pretty well guess what this means for today:


It's BACCHANALIA BINGEFEST 2011... PART DEUX, baby!

I treated myself to lunch at Chick-Fil-A earlier. And as I ate my cool wrap, I seriously ogled the gi-normous packet of Cardini's Caesar dressing, pondering the last glorious drops that might be hiding in the bottom corners of pouch. The thought actually entered my mind, "If I punctured this bag with a straw, I could drink it like a juice box."

I am one sick puppy.

So I medicated myself with a final jaunt to Community Bakery this afternoon. Several delightful confections later, my waistband is tight and I've crashed from the sugar. But look lively, Jules! Snap to! You have work to do... the day's not over... there are calories yet to be consumed!

The psychology of starting a diet is such a predictable thing for me. It's a "get it while you can" frenzy with all the foofaraw of a last meal on death row. All the favorite dishes are requested, and the consumption presents all the charm and etiquette of a herd of boars savaging each other to get to the trough. In other words, it ain't pretty, folks. And it doesn't matter how committed I am to the process of losing weight, the day before is always the same. If you've ever watched Celebrity Rehab and seen the users and losers "fixing" in the town car on the way to rehab, it's a completely relatable mindset. It's one of the things I most despise about having such an unhealthy relationship with food. I can't seem to master a normal, healthy balance of just eating in moderation. Balance, what a concept. My gastrinomical pendulum swings from subsisting on 800 calories a day to eating like there's no tomorrow.

And speaking of tomorrow, it's back to the aforementioned 800 calories per day. But tonight? Oh no. Tonight, it's off to Copeland's for my next "Last Supper". Oh yes, and let's not forget dessert! I've been wondering all day: Will it be the cheesecake or the chocolate tall cake?

Wish me luck.