WTF: I'M AN OFFICE HOARDER

It’s Friday… let the WTF’inanigans begin!

It’s starting to feel like it might actually get a little bit busy again at work. And yesterday, I had TWO things to accomplish AT THE SAME TIME. (Not quite multi-tasking— but perhaps dual-tasking?) Anyway, I had a mild “episode”, trying to sort out one from the other. Which to do first? Can I handle the pressure?? How did I get this SOFT in just four months? Have I lost my edge?? W T F. Thank the Heavens above for Brittnee… if she hadn’t run to Office Depot for me, I would have had THREE chores on my plate, and a full scale mini-meltdown would have doubtlessly ensued.

So I’m sitting here, getting my ducks in a row for next week... Writing out my goals... Contemplating, planning, sizing up the sitch… Thinking we may fire the old ad engine back up soon. And I think to myself, “Self, you will think more clearly next week if you have a clean desk.” I get to opening drawers and surveying the contents… and what’s in there, ya’ll is just ridiculous. Completely absurd. For those of you who follow my “tweets” over on Twitter, I do apologize; this will be a repeat (and I’ve already had one person call to my attention that six tweets about the crap in my desk is too much; clearly, if it's not worth six tweets, it's certainly not worthy of an entire blog). For those who don’t follow me, reading beyond this point is completely optional. Proceed at your own peril, knowing you've been dully warned. I won’t blame you for surfing ahead to something that won’t turn your brain into gelatinous goo; this will not be stimulating. It might give you a glimpse into my psyche— but egads, I hope not. There’s no telling what these items say about me.

-2 cans soup, expired
-4 Medifast shakes, expired
-1 dried up Tide-to-Go pen
-A bottle of cuticle oil
-4 strands of Mardi Gras beads
-3 Easy buttons (two that say “that was easy” in English, one in Spanish)
-2 lint rollers with no sheets
-A bottle of deodorant
-Small bottle of Scope
-3 Oral-B Brush-Ups
-Toothpaste and toothbrush
-4 bottles of lotion
-5 bottles of Purell… WTF?
-Individual packets of Germ-X wipes
-5 years worth of greeting cards
-Lysol wipes (does anyone see a theme here??)
-A box of straight pins
-3 clothespins
-A voodoo doll… WTF?
-3 boxes of Hawaiian Punch
-1 nail file
-Assorted sizes and types of seashells
-2 grapefruit spoons… WTF?
-1 feather boa… WTF?
-A shaker of garlic salt… WTF?
-Pedometer
-Drinking straws with umbrellas
-Tealight candle… uh, fire code, WTF?
-8 Sonic mints
-Various toys and tchotchkes… some of it’s really weird, too.


My first thought was “Is there an office version of Let’s Make a Deal?” I could kick ANYONE’S butt. ANYONE! Who else, I ask you, has a feather boa and a shaker of garlic salt and a Spanish-speaking Easy button at the office?? Next, I divined that I should pack all this crap up and take it home for a garage sale… I could pay for my next vacation!

I’m the first to admit that I have a raging case of ADD… combine that with working in a creative role… and add the fact that I believe in saving all manner of minutia… and it’s a recipe for, apparently, a HOARDER of ginormous proportions. That’s what I've become: a Crazy Cat Lady with hoarding issues. Isn’t it a wonder I ever get anything done, with those tendencies and a desk like this? WTF?? And ya’ll, it’s FRIDAY NIGHT. Shouldn’t I have something else besides this going on? Clearly, it is a desperate cry for help.

I welcome your comments. Experts, please chime in.

‘Til next week’s installment of “What-The” Friday, have a good week, my pets. I’m going to be working on learning to throw things away. Will keep you updated!