I CAN HAS MELTDOWN

I'm five days into turning over a new leaf with my eating habits, and it's going very well. I'm in the zone... back in the saddle... up on the wagon. It feels so good to be back in control! I'm down five pounds of the 11 I was up. I'll take that for now. I know there's more weight loss where that came from. This ain't my first rodeo, after all.

So I'm working along yesterday morning, feeling great about the world, life in general and that I'm a few ell-bees closer to fitting into my favorite pair of Joe's jeans... when BAM! An Outlook invite (on my business email) pops up, titled "Exercise & Eat Healthy Today". That's all it says. No words of encouragement... no atta girl, you can do it... no text at all... no other email recipients: Just a singular event for me to accept or decline. Frankly, it hit me like a swift upper cut. Am I not worthy as an employee and a human being because I weigh more than I did last year when I was hired? Oh, did I forget to mention this came from my boss? Admittedly, I've known him a lot longer than I've worked here, but still...

Tacky. Tacky. Tacky. And technically, in violation of the absurdly extensive company policies that fill a giant three-ring binder and have to re-issued and signed annually. We've just crossed the line between business correspondence and personal needling, in my mind.

See, here's the backstory. Glenn and I dieted together at UAMS in '09. It really, really chapped him when I reached my goal weight and he didn't, and he's told me on numerous occasions that he felt very competitive about the process. Although I didn't know it at the time and he was outwardly encouraging, he was ticked that I "beat" him (his term, not mine). So much for motivating each other, eh? And while I was busy gaining all of my weight back, he continued dieting and has maintained. I'm genuinely happy for him and his good health; I just wish I'd been as stalwart. But after all of this history and several other similar incidents, inviting me to "Exercise & Eat Healthy Today" makes me feel a lot of different things: (1) That you don't sincerely wish for me to succeed and this is a kindly veiled attempt to sabotage me (2) That, as my employer, you're trying to now micro-manage my personal life as well as my work and (3) If your intentions were good, wow, you're really an insensitive dope!

After contemplating it, I decided to just ignore the email invitation. I mean, that should give anyone the hint, right? I mean, if I'm on track, I don't need even the friendliest of reminders. And if I've strayed today, I sure don't want anyone rubbing my nose in the failure. Even if you're trying to be supportive, sending something like this is really a lose/lose gamble.

So imagine my surprise, this morning, when yesterday's date had been canceled and the blessed event had been rescheduled... for today!

This time, I clicked "decline" at warp speed. (Well, as soon as I read it three times and got over my initial disbelief that the insensitive lout had the nerve to edit and re-send the same invitation that I didn't respond to yesterday).

I'm not upset, just flabbergasted. Weight gain is a sore subject for any woman. But I have to admit that if he re-sends this same invitation tomorrow, I will be countering with a proposed new invitation of my own, titled My Weight Is Not A Work-Related Calendar Entry, So Back Off!