How does one pass the time on a four-hour car ride to Hot Springs? Well, by making up songs, of course. I got the inspiration for this one while listening to "Wonderwall", the 1995 hit from Oasis. Suddenly, it struck me that I should rename it to reflect my feelings about the torture chamber we call the brassiere.
I give you... [drumroll, please]...
"Wonderbra".
Today is gonna be the day
That I'm gonna go shop for you
By now I've psyched myself out
Found a cup size I think will do
I don't believe that anybody
Sags the way I do, without you now
Bad news, thought I was double-D
But the measurements I took were whack
I need Tim Gunn's expertise
And Victoria's Secret for my rack
I don't believe that anybody
Droops the way I do, without you now
My sportsbra's 18-hour strap's unwinding
And all the hooks that hold me in are binding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you But I can't breathe now
'Cause maybe
You're gonna be the one that shapes me
After all You're my Wonderbra
Today was gonna be the day
That I would find the perfect fit
But one boob's a triple D
And the other is a B-plus tit
I don't believe that anybody
Makes a freakin' sling To fit me now
And all the wires within these cups are binding
And as the high-beams light my way, they're blinding
There are many bras that I would like to burn for you
So I don't have one now
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that chafes me
But after all You're my Wonderbra
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that chafes me
But after all You're my Wonderbra
Said maybe
You're gonna be the one that chafes me
You're gonna be the one that chafes me
You're gonna be the one that chafes me
1 comments:
I would give this one two thumbs up, but sounds like you need 2 cups of support instead. You should add a verse of underwire agony, after all that was the particular item of brassiere suspension that forever entered you into my hall of fame (you know, inductees get their "bust" in the hall but that's a whole other visual...)
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