SIGNS FROM THE UNIVERSE

Have you ever felt like the universe is giving you a sign?

Like maybe you've deviated from the plan and it's time to get back on track?

I find myself feeling that way, as of late.

It kinda started as a niggling in the recesses of my sub-conscious, about the time of this whole silly business of my 20-year class reunion-- which for some reason seems to have dredged up every twinge of juvenile insecurity I ever felt. I'm not sure why it has consumed my thoughts the way it has. My best friend, Melonie, tells me I should pull out my Prom Queen tiara and don it for the reunion... as if it has some kind of magical Stuart Smalley-esque power. She's convinced that it's ensconced somewhere in glass (like the Hope diamond) in my closet or something. Honestly, I think I threw it away years ago. I'm not really one to form sentimental attachments to gee-gaws from my past... that, to me, just reaffirms how bizarre all of these anxious feelings are, in the first place. I think the universe is trying to tell me something.

Ok, so I'm unsettled about reuniting with my classmates. And as a result, I'm now devoting an inordinate amount of time (it's bordering on a compulsion, I'd say) obsessing about skin care. I'm spending mad money on medi-spa treatments and all manner of topical "snake oils". And I'm constantly Googling to learn more about collagen and peptides and hyaluronic acid and dermal fillers and anything that might possibly restore the dew of youth to my aging face. Ironically, my skin looks worse than it did before that ridiculously expensive bottle of Sonya Dakar (but it sure does smell nice). So I'm all broken out and flaky-- and since I'm avoiding the sun, I look like something from an opening scene of Six Feet Under (you know, that show was always chock full of traumatic deaths and frightfully realistic-looking corpses). Anyway, I shouldn't even be spending my money on this crapola... I'm supposed to be paying off my cards. So now I feel even worse about myself...What in the world am I doing? I think the universe is trying to tell me something.

So then there was the little fender-bender. Ah, yes. A true wake-up call. I'm still not sure exactly what happened, because it all happened so fast. But given my new found fixation on my skin, I wouldn't be surprised to learn that I had the visor pulled down, looking at my face instead of the road and oncoming mailboxes. I gotta tell you, I was rattled by that whole thing. I mean, I can't even keep my 1992 Honda between curbs? Really? Plus I was miffed about having to drop 700 bucks (that's five facials!) for my neighbors' replacement mailbox... not to mention its deep cut into my "get out of debt" initiative, which is really supposed to be the priority here. And it also cut into the joy I felt when the big, glossy, long-anticipated Mercedes catalogue finally arrived. What? No joy from the sporty centerfold? I think the universe is trying to tell me something.

Next, I had to get the Hoopty in shape for a weekend trek down to Little Rock. Mom and I had planned our spa day at the Rejuvenation Clinic for weeks (again, I'm getting spiffed up for those classmates!) and I realized that, even though the windshield had been replaced, the car really wasn't road worthy. It needed an oil change, wiper blades, a set of new tires and a brake job. That's a total of over $850, just so I can get in one last round of micro-dermabrasion before Saturday and shop for the perfect reunion outfit. That's freakin' nuts. I'm starting to feel like "Misplaced Priorities" should be my middle name. I think the universe is trying to tell me something.

Before I could get on the road for Little Rock, though, I had a dentist appointment... and though I haven't had a cavity in, like 28 years, I found out that I'm going to have to have an old filling removed and re-filled. Plus, in my quest for a pearly-white smile, I'm also brushing my teeth so hard that I'm damaging my gums. I've never had a periodontal exam before... they rammed a little metal rod into my gums to assess the health of my gums. That made me feel really old. I think the universe is trying to tell me something.

So on Tuesday, I take a quick lunch break to see the doctor. I'm really only needing a refill on a script, so I feel that this office call is a bit of a formality. Until the nurse takes my blood pressure, that is. The first reading is 161 /113. We finally settle on 150/101, which is still serious. Now, I'm really falling apart. I think the universe is trying to tell me something.

So I've had a little time to reflect on the events of the past few weeks. And I think I've figured it out. The universe REALLY IS telling me something. Slow down. Regroup. Stop worrying about superficial stuff like red C350's and making my face look 29 again. It's time to adjust. Adapt. Overcome. Get back to basics. Be healthy. Be organized. Form a new routine. Act like a grown-up. Stick to the goals that will make me a more attractive person on the inside-- not on the outside.

I'm still not sure how much the things going on around me are to be perceived as meaningful... I think time helps us sort it out. Some of us are just worse at interpreting the signs, I suppose. I'm clearly not in tune with discerning these little messages-- mainly because I've become so distracted by the minutia. But ok, universe... you don't have to beat me senseless... I get it! I read you, loud and clear!